Sunday, March 18, 2012

My world stopped lungs stopped breathing

(Mom and Dad's engagement photo)

Dear Readers,

I will warn you before I begin. This post is not about school, it's not about a cool new craft that I just discovered, and it's not about my wedding. It's sad and it's from my heart. Blogs are funny things you know...we can use them to share our opinions and start fights over the internet. We can use them to keep our family updated with photos,or like me....we can use them to share cool ideas. But when something this huge bombs my world, I feel as though it's appropriate to express my thoughts here. Here on my slice of the internet for all to see.

Last Friday, after classes, my Dad skyped me. We don't skype a lot so it was a little odd that he wanted to. Then he said he had news and he told me to sit down. That's when the world stopped turning and the word "cancer" left his lips. I didn't make a sound even though the word hit me like a brick wall. I felt as though my heart had stopped beating and my lungs forgot their purpose. You would expect for some sound to come out... but it was all I could do not to fall over.

(Dad and I when my little brother was born in 1992)

Cancer is one of the hardest and most horrific words in the English language. 

He gave me the details and I eventually found myself walking back to my room. Mom and Nathan were with me when Dad skyped and I told them I just needed to be alone for a minute. I walked up three flights of stairs and remember a girl asking me if I was ok. I tried to talk but no sound came out. I was surprised that my voice was gone so I just shook my head and kept walking. 

Instead of going to my room where my roommates may be, I went into our dorm Prayer room. I closed the door...shut the window and feel to my knees. I don't know how loud I screamed, but I know a girl at the end of the hall heard me. 

(Mom and Dad at the sugar shack)

In that moment, my body, mind and sole felt pure pain. But there was something else there....and this is why I write.

I had peace. I threw myself into my God's arms and I just cried out my heart on his shoulder. You see...I'm a Christian. I am ashamed that I have never shared this before. But I trusted Christ with my eternity and he's my savior. I know that when it's my turn to leave this world, I'll find myself in heaven with him and I'm not afraid to die.

(Dad kissing Mom in the rain)

I know that my God made this world and all of the beautiful things in it. He gave me my Dad. And I know that no matter what comes my way, it's ok because I'm a daughter of the King. God is right here, he's holding me in his arms and he's holding my Daddy in his arms too. He's is in control when things are going great, and he's in control when everything crumbles around me.

In that first moment of pure face flat on the floor... peace came. And peace overcame the pain. I still cry. I love my Dad. He was my hero when I was a little girl and he still is now that I'm 22. I'm sad to see him going through cancer again....But I have God. Everything is going to be ok, no matter the outcome. I have my God with me. He's holding me right now and he won't ever let me go.

(Dad and I a few years ago)

I wanted to share this with you because maybe you've have a bomb just dropped in your life. Turing to friends, drugs, drinking, food, or even family won't give you the peace that I have. All of those things, yes...even family, will fail you. I know that family has failed me before. But God won't do that. I don't understand and I don't have to. I just need to trust and wrapped myself in his all powerful arms.
I have perfect peace. And Dad, I know you're reading this...I love you.

(Dad and I in New York last summer)


  1. Brittany, I am so sorry. I'm praying for you all.

  2. Thanks for sharing your heart. Praising God for his ministry of peace to your soul.

  3. Thank you for sharing Brittany. It touched my heart and I will be praying for you and your family! I love you girl! Keep trusting and depending on God!

  4. I'm so sorry, Brittany. I can't say I understand what you're going through, but I can say I'll be praying for you.

  5. Thanks for posting your parents' engagement picture--that's how I remember them best--young! Like I was when I first met them. Your family has an incredible heritage of trust in the Lord. Certainly, they've learned this through great trials and sacrifice. My family and I continue to uphold you all in prayer and ask the Lord to give you courage to face the fears and the courage to lean on Him and your family & friends at this time. You will find the strength you need to climb up the hard hills, that turn to rugged mountains. In the Lord, you will find the grace you to carry on and as you endure, you will find peace and joy to help you understand the journey. Remember, Christ has promised, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you"--you are not on this journey alone.

  6. I've been praying, Brittany...For your Dad, your Mom, and you and Nathan. God is good, and He will not let any harm overtake you with out His comfort and presence along with it. Wanting you to know we love you very much.

  7. Hey! Praying for you and your family! Let me know if you need anything. I don't understand how people live life without God. Thanks for posting what God is doing in your life. :) Love ya!

  8. We will be praying for your family, Brittany! I have great memories of your family at camp. The puppets were always such a great hit :).
    Meg J.

  9. Britt, Stinky, my Little Princess, and whatever other names I used to call you by... I love you and am very proud of the young lady you have become, and particularly of your testimony of trusting in the Lord during difficult times. The Lord has been so good to us, hasn't He? If it takes my illness to bring others to know Christ, or even just to know Him better, that's fine by me. Let's keep stepping back and pushing Him up front for everyone to see. God is good, and He certainly deserves our best. May His name be glorified, come what may. I love you kiddo.


  10. I really mean it when I say that your family will be in my prayers. My dad was diagnosed with and survived cancer when I was in my early 20's and my 12 year old brother was diagnosed with Cancer last year right before Christmas but they were able to remove it. Reading about your experience of hearing the news brought tears to my eyes and reminded me of my own reactions. The pain is thick and the reality of it all is so surreal. But God is who He says He is and will do all that he has promised. His love is radical and unpredictable and more, more, MORE than we will ever be able to grasp on earth. Press in, hold tight, and know that you are most definitely not alone.

  11. Hi, Brittany. I've never met you. I came across this post through a strange (i.e., Providential) set of circumstances and wanted to suggest something that may be helpful to your father. Over the last couple months I have been researching cancer and recently discovered something called the Gerson Therapy, which is an inexpensive and highly effective nutrition-based cure for cancer. It involves significant lifestyle changes but can be self-administered at home. If you're interested in learning about it, there is a documentary called "The Gerson Miracle" (available on Netflix) which explains how and why the therapy works.

    Best wishes to you and your father. May the Lord grant your family the strength to overcome this trial for His own glory.


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